My Journey in the Circus

Before ever dreaming of being a flying trapeze artist I was a part of the FSU Flying High Circus when I was in college. While the whole saga was bitter sweet, it was one of the most epic experiences of my entire life that left me with great memories and powerful life lessons to this day.

The FSU Flying High Circus

“Florida State University” (FSU) one of the only two colleges in the country with a circus program. Out of those two, it is the only one with a big top three ring circus tent that seats a few thousand people. Situated right next to Doak Campbell Football Stadium and other athletic facilities – it’s impossible to miss.

The fall of my sophmore year I remember wandering past and deciding to see what was inside. To my amazement it was a magical place and a seed was planted in my mind that I wanted to be a part of this. Luckily auditions were right around the corner and I decided to try out. There were three elimination rounds which consisted of a first round physical fitness test, second round circus skills assessment, and final specific acts placement tests. I saw my name on the final performer list and was casted for a ground act called Quartet and a second act called Double Trapeze. I was ecstatic!

Flashback One

On a funny side note, when I was in third grade, our end of year play was circus themed. The school opened a competition to illustrate the cover of the playbill and my artwork ended up being chosen. It was the first time this young graphic designer’s work was printed in bulk for everyone to see and I was so happy!

Training

Fast-forward a few years and that fall semester of training was one of my most memorable parts of college. A prophecy fulfilled! The physical and mental challenge was immense but I loved it. Between practice and tent maintenance, this was a full-time commitment. Training was very painful in the beginning but towards winter the calluses formed and techniques improved. It was so rewarding.

I remember leaving a miserably painful practice one day and couldn’t wait to get back to my dorm and rest. The backs of my knees were bruised and sliced from the trapeze bar and my hamstrings were crying. I arrived to find a surprise note taped to my door from my friend Claire which I still keep to this day for the resilience it instilled in me.

Backbreaker

That winter break I found that my back was bothering me and so I visited an orthopedist. He suggested that I take a break from the circus for a few weeks but stubbornly I did not listen to his advice. Taking a break meant that my teams would not be able to practice and I could not let them down.

Upon returning from winter break for spring semester in January everything came to an abrupt end. During a swing in Quartet practice I lost footing and my back went out. The following morning I woke up in agony and could barely get out of bed. I inched myself to the doctors. Sadly I had to inform my team members, withdraw from the program, and not perform in the shows.

While I could not be on stage, I was still committed to the circus and helped with other program activities and setup. The night of the shows, instead of hanging upside-down from the ceiling, I was standing on the ground in concessions selling popcorn. It was miserable.

I spent the next four months healing and by the end of the school year felt good as new. When I went back to Boca for summer vacation I noticed a perplexing setup off of the side of one of our main roads – a Flying Trapeze! I was hell-bent on surpassing my previous form, putting the injury behind me, and re-auditioning in the FSU Flying High Circus for another opportunity that upcoming fall semester.

I was hired and spent the beginning of the summer being trained by a Manager from Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus along with many other long time professional circus performers. In addition to being an instructor for adult classes, I worked all summer in the scorching South Florida sun as a catcher at the local JCC summer camp. It was an awesome experience where I learned the art of discipline, entertainment, and helping people conquer their fears and stay operational in those moments. One of my trainers used to say:

“Trapeze has a magical quality that can not be put into words, it can only be experienced and it never gets boring, it’s always exciting, and it has this beautiful quality of making you feel very alive.”

Flashback Two

Rewind another few years to 8^th grade I was putting together a yearlong family tree book project for school. In the autobiographical section they asked what superpower you wish you could have and I wrote, “I wish I could fly.” Another prophesy fulfilled!

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Upon returning to school for my junior year I re-auditioned in the program and eclipsed all of my personal expectations built out of the blistering summer. I was hopeful to be casted back into the double trapeze role and perhaps a long shot be a trapeze catcher which is one of the most desired roles in the program. To my surprise, I ended up being placed in an act that I had absolutely no interest in. It was very disappointing and frustrating. Additionally I noticed that the Home Show performances were all scheduled on Friday evenings and Saturdays, which was the weekly Jewish Sabbath. While I was not observant at the time, I had a gut feeling that this conflict would not work for me. That being said, I decided to decline the invitation and focus on other campus activities.

It’s painful to accept the opposite outcome of a situation when you know that you literally gave it your all with blood, sweat, and tears. That year they had also just imported a brand new tent from Italy and it would be used for the upcoming shows. I never wanted something so bad in my entire life and here it was – just not happening.

At the very same time I was beginning my experience as president of our student Israel advocacy organization called Noles for Israel. As I was going through the circus auditions we were simultaneously in the process of planning another activity on campus called Florida Loves Israel (FLI), which set the stage for the rest of my life both professional and personally to this day. It required so much of my time junior year that I even missed all six of my courses and midterms Monday through Friday the week before this conference program was starting in spring semester. It ended up being a huge success and snowballed for years to come. Funny enough the final act evaluations for the circus shows were scheduled the day after this conference was over. You do the math.

You Get What You Need

I never fulfilled my dream of performing in the FSU Flying High Circus. It was very bitter-sweet. However, it seemed that I was meant to fly in another capacity. The more I conjure up these memories the sweeter the ups and downs of this experience become. Sometimes when life is not going your way worst thing you can do is fight against and hold onto something with an iron grip that isn’t destined because it could quite literally destroy you. Looking back I realize that gently letting go allowed me to soar to the place I was truly meant to be.

Now I sit here wondering if trapeze contributed to my Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, which in turn opened the door to finding my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma early and perhaps saving my life. I may never know for certain, but that’s fine by me.